Out on the verge
It’s crazy how time goes by so quickly, I can hardly remember how this year started, the middle bits then next thing I know it’s already close to the end of the year. John Lewis has already released their next Christmas advert, which means it’s close to Christmas which in turn means, I need to start my Christmas shopping which means it’s suddenly 2016 which is the year I turn 20. Crazy.
So how was my October?
The balance of my work life and university life has proven to be very difficult for me, I’ve been trying my hardest to stay on top of things but it’s been so overwhelming that I admit, I’ve had a few breakdowns this last month. The build up of just anxiety, fear of failure and unhappiness of where I am now.
After watching the likes of Mimi Ikonn, I’ve learnt that it is all about the choices you make. If you’re unhappy about something, don’t be passive – DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I’ve been slowly removing things that make me sad from my life or stress me out, I can’t say it’s made a dramatic difference (as it’s difficult sometimes to do something so dramatic like move cities) but it feels like I’m moving forward.
Dreaming of New York
Speaking of moving, I’ve been thinking of what I want to do in the future – as all university students are forced to think about – I definitely want to move from my home city and go someplace else in England but I’d rather see more than what I’m comfortable with.
New York always springs to mind when I think like this.
I’ve never been but it’s a place I
want need to go to – maybe not a permanent move but at least for a month. Just not where I am now, I don’t want to stay here forever; it’s scary thinking of staying here for the rest of my life. But yes, this month I’ve added New York City to the “need to go to” list which contrasts to the “want to go to” list which is different – in my head.
It was a weird dream I had about New York which made me have this sudden urge to go there as well as the desire to change something in my life (isn’t New York a great place to start?)
When I tell my friends about the dream, they just tell me that maybe it’s the future/there’s something I need to do there/You’ve been watching too much American sitcom. I don’t usually take dreams seriously unless there’s this unshakable feeling – like my New York dream.
To summarise: I was walking down the streets of New York, went to a coffee shop, met a friend there I hadn’t seen in ages who told me that all their dreams have come true and that they were married with two kids. It was weird all in all, but the feeling I got was even weirder. Yep, you say, too many American sitcoms.
I didn’t celebrate Halloween this year, well, I don’t celebrate it at all. I’ve never been trick or treating or dressing up, mainly because I’ve always been told that traditionally (in Filipino and Spanish culture) it’s a time of which the dead are remembered. A relative also passed away around this time last year, so I wasn’t in the mood to dress up but I have seen such beautiful art done on people’s faces plus such creative costumes!
I’ve not been playing many games at all in the last few months which may explain my “emptiness” but I have started playing Battleblock Theatre again with my boyfriend. I recommend it, it’s such a sarcastic, funny game but frustrating when the friend you’re playing with burns you with his fireball weapon but there you go.
I found some time to catch up with some friends during this month which is always nice. Talking to friends who listen to me and are genuinely interested in me always make me feel happy and relieved that people like that still are around. There are too many mean and two faced people out there who actively try to put others down and actively try to hurt them.
Sadly, I’ve experienced this too much this month which has added to the anxiety and stress but I always wake up and ask myself, “Why do I have to deal with such insensitive, mean jerks?” I don’t have to. Again, it’s all choice.
Music wise, my favourite artists this past month have got to be Owl City and KYKO – overplayed them on Spotify and loving it. Verge by Owl City has recently been my go-to song. I remember repeating Vanilla Twilight by Owl City when I was younger. Have a listen!
That’s a summary of my October and the start of November. I have a list of things I need to do but I also need to relax a bit. I have a few blog posts drafted for a few weeks time which are more directed towards a certain topic – hopefully, will be up soon!
Enjoy your evening lovelies! ❤