January 14, 2017
A letter to my 16-year-old self
After reading Chynna’s series of letters to herself, Georgie’s recent letter to her 18-year-old self and laughing at all tweets from the hashtag #WhatIWouldTellMy15YearOldMe this morning, I was inspired to write a letter to 16-year-old Pauline. 16-year-old me would’ve finished GCSEs and going onto A Levels at this point (I think) and would be in the midst of a toxic relationship. Oh boy… ?
Dear Pauline,
I love ya to bits but…
You’re too young to know what the hell you’re doing.
Where did you think getting in a serious relationship at your age would get you? I’m going to cut you a bit of slack, though (for now), I understand that this was the FIRST TIME a boy noticed you and you love Disney films and think those guys who notice you are prince charming themselves (nope). He’s two years older than you too so he must know what he’s doing and what he’s saying must be cold hard facts (WRONG) The next time he upsets you by saying you’re not “good enough” for him and that you need to look a certain way for him otherwise he won’t love you anymore, please stop crying and remember that if someone has requirements for them to love you then that isn’t love.
And frankly, he’s just a waste of space and time.
Unsurprisingly soon enough, he won’t be in your life anymore when you find out he’s been cheating on you. I wish he left even sooner because 2 years of damage is hard to heal. Yes, you will freak out, have a meltdown but then your heart will heal eventually especially with the help of your friends and family.
Friends. You have lots. But being in that relationship caused you to invest all your energy, time and love into that asshole who didn’t deserve it. You’re much smarter at 20, you’d be glad to hear but in your next relationship you do exactly the same. Well done P. GG. Great work, woo.
But you’ve learned now for good hopefully. Step back, spend your efforts on other people other than your boyfriend at the time. Like your friends.
I know that you’ve been trying to “become skinny” to impress him by eating a cupcake for lunch, starving yourself and running with no fuel. Stop.
- You’re destroying your body
- Running after eating 1 cupcake will cause you to faint. As it did that one time, ugh WHY WON’T YOU LISTEN TO YOUR BODY?!
- HE ONLY WANTS YOU IF <condition> WAKE UP SISTER. BAD SIGNALS RIGHT THERE.
- You’re hot when you’re strong and not looking like an extremely thin, weak runway model. You will realise this in 4 years when #gains are a thing.
If you’re thinking of dying your hair today and plastering your face with layers of makeup, don’t. You’re beautiful naturally, your dark features will break some hearts. 💔
At this point, I know you’re confused on what you want to do with your life with school hammering on about how well you need to do at school to be successful in life and it’s a little overwhelming. I’m thankful that you have kept your options open – thanks, smartie pants, it’s serving future you well at the moment.
I’m so glad you took Computing as one of your GCSE subjects. I know you were scared because it was dominated by boys and you didn’t feel “good enough” alongside them. But you killed it! Don’t ever let the fear of it “only being for boys” get in the way of what you want to do! You’d be happy to know that you keep pushing these boundaries even though right now it sounds totally uncomfortable, it’s the most empowering thing 4 years later!
And I know you hate your name and you’re going around telling everyone you meet how much you hate it but you shouldn’t because these emojis spell your name out perfectly 🐾💪 Cool, right?
You’re still a pain in the ass, stubborn as hell, and disrupt everyone’s peace with HSM soundtracks but I love you! Even though I say I wish I could change all the stupid things you did, I’m glad I can’t (thanking science/engineering/tech/lack of magic for now) because these experiences will really shape you in the next 4 years.
Keep putting your 110% into things, you’ll achieve a lot more than you think. Know you’re awesome, know your WORTH and don’t let people whether that is that jealous girl in your Science class, teachers or stupid boys make you think otherwise!
Also stop playing SL to stay on top of the leaderboards because that game dies (and your K/D is better on Halo anyway) and get on with your maths homework (I wish you could actually read this because if there’s one thing I would let you change is your attempt to take further maths as an A-Level. Don’t. It will make you cry a lot more than any boy stomping on your heart.)
Love,
P
P.S. You still don’t have a bunny at 20, you should really ask more aggressively.
Leave a comment
Cat
Aww, I liked reading this and seeing the positive message you would tell your younger self! Sorry to hear about the rough relationship you had with your ex. Someone who thinks their significant other isn’t “good enough” doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship. My parents didn’t allow me to date until college, and back then, I was annoyed and thought it was unfair. Looking back, I’m glad they did that. (Though, that didn’t stop me from getting into boys anyway and having my heart broken.)
That’s awesome that you took Computing when you were younger! The tech field might be male-dominated, but women are definitely good at it! I was pretty stubborn when I was younger and did stupid things, but like you said, the experiences shape us down the road 🙂
Maroon Caludin
Haha, this is cute! And looks like you’ve grown a lot!
Cassidy
I really enjoyed reading this and getting to know more about you! It looks like you’ve come a long way from where you were at 16. I find that lots of boys are idiots at that age and I’m glad you were eventually able to break free from your ex. My mother once said that sometimes, the more we try to please other people, the less we please ourselves.
When I was 16, I was convinced that I was going to get my first kiss and that I would finally have a lasting relationship with someone. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case but it’s ok. I started to appreciate myself more at that age.
Keep being awesome!
Ongaku
Nice, I don’t know what I would say to my younger self. Maybe warn myself about my future health, lol. I feel like I care more about my looks now than I did then but I honestly don’t remember. I feel like my surgeries killed off all those memories.
Beverley
This was such a lovely post to read! Boy troubles are the worst, especially in our teens. What you had to go through with that guy sounds terrible, we should never be told we’re not good enough if we don’t meet some unreasonable standard or condition. It seems like you’ve learnt and grown from the experience since then which is the important thing 🙂 I had a few friends in school who wanted to lose weight so would hardly eat and I tried to tell them that it wasn’t a healthy way to do things. Thankfully they seem to understand now that they should be keeping a balanced diet. And well done for pursuing a subject that’s ‘for boys.’ Our gender shouldn’t limit what we study and I’m glad you went for it and now you’re pushing the boundaries and having a blast. Thanks for sharing, Pauline!
Rezina
Oh 2NE1. I was sad to hear that they’re breaking up, haha.
I loved your letter! I think this is a great way to reflect on yourself and how much you’ve changed over the years. And also to remember all those insecurities and worries you had and to realize that you no longer feel those same insecurities and worries years later.
Also – I loved the postscript you added! xD
Chynna
I love that I inspired you to do this! Why is it that boys ruled our lives when we were young? Ah well, we live and learn. 2NE1 were the best back in the day – I swear we bonded because of them XD
Was great to read this! I really wish there was a way our younger selves could read these letters. Would love to see their reaction.
Nancy
I would tell my 16-year-old self about the same thing when it comes to relationships. Sometimes, I wonder if it was worth going through them because I found myself as a ~tougher~ person now than before. Most young boys are silly. You gotta find yourself a mature one who’s goal in life is to be successful with his other half ;). Anything being for a specific gender is silly. If a guy wants to be a nurse or a girl wants to be a computer scientist and will be bossing at it, so be it! Hearing about the progress you made fitness wise is pretty awesome. Keep it up~
Look at you now, kicking butt and being the best that you can be ;).
Shanna
Absolutely love this! I’m sorry that you had to experience that with your boyfriend, and I definitely could have used this advice at sixteen as well! You’ve inspired me to do one of these posts in the future as well.
Kya
This is so perfect.<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3