Love Today

February 14th 2020

Happy Valentines/Love Day! 🥰

A photo of a heart shaped hedge
Photo from Pixabay

Social media gives us snapshots of people’s lives, showing their highs and well… highs. I think we always need to remember that when we’re scrolling through our feeds. It’s so easy to forget when you’re so hypnotised by pretty angled shots, hashtags that perfectly fit the photo and the story of someone’s seemingly fantastic day.

I’ve been a victim to thinking that everything is rosy 24/7 when it really isn’t. Thinking positively and seeing things with rose-tinted glasses is something I pride myself in, but sometimes saying to myself to “think positively” isn’t the best approach long term.

This is why I turn to other activities such as exercise and writing to help me cope with life. Today, I’m writing and it’s about love and the internet.

Relationships and social media

Relationships on social media is a weird one. I’d say even weirder than the perfect angled shots. Especially on a day like today, it’s so easy to get caught up in the cute things couples get up to and no doubt the countless of engagement rings you’ll see. I know I have been so fixated on this bubble myself so many times, and have been part of it if I’m honest.

No one ever wants to share the low points in their relationships. But I’d argue that social media makes it look like we don’t have these shitty times at all. We can look so narrowly rather than seeing the bigger picture, all based on perfectly crafted squares on our feed.

Anxiety in the 3 years

Matt and I have been together for three years, we celebrated our third year together this week. To be honest, I never thought that I’d ever get to celebrate another year with someone for so long. My longest relationship was just shy of three years.

One night before our anniversary, I opened up to Matt about my anxiety around the “three year mark”. Essentially, I realised that I have some sort of phobia coming up to the day, because heck, I never got here before and when I was close – it was over (I still can’t forget that sucky feeling.)

Talking to Matt about it was scary at first, because I had some weird expectation based probably on the feeds of couples that I shouldn’t even be upset because everything is perfect. It’s insane how I’ve become so warped by these feeds and I know I’m not the only one.

Truth is, Matt and I have had moments where it sucks. Really bad. Sometimes it feels like it’s the last straw — the arguments don’t stop, the bad feelings don’t go away and then we have to face a large group of people whether that be at events or families the next day.

I think we both become who they want us to be based on what we’ve shared — “ooo, that romantic trip to New York – Matt must be so romantic constantly!” It becomes inauthentic and an uncomfortable experience sometimes trying to live up to an image or a way people think of you. (This is why I have mixed feelings on the term “personal brand”, but hey, that’s another post for another time.)

Arguments are normal and a healthy part of relationships

Your favourites couples have arguments all the time, but sometimes when you’re having an argument with your partner, it can feeling everything is falling apart.

As if not living in the perfect utopia social media has trained us to think that we must have…is a life or death— it’s one or the other, perfect or not, choose one!

It’s a nice wake-up call and reminder that most of the internet is fake news. And that the life or relationship you want isn’t in here but out there.

View this post on Instagram

Relationships aren’t easy. But don’t they look absolutely pixel perfect online? Ooh, look at them with such a cute planned photo! Ooo look at Matt again – doing his thing as an Instagram husband!! Omg! Look at that! Talk about #perfectcouple #relationshipgoals!! Awww he bought her flowers!!!!!! AWWWH SHE MADE HIM A HEADBAND!!!!!!! ➖➖➖➖➖➖ Guess what? Matt and I fight. We say things that we don’t mean but in the moment feel like the most empowering thing because all we want to do is hurt each other. Let me tell you it is next-level ugly. The little colourful squares on Instagram NEVER show these moments because who would want to see that?! Lesson 1️⃣: don’t compare your relationship with your loved ones based on someone’s Instagram feed. That is a tunnel you don’t want to go into – it’s hard to un-stuck yourself! ➖➖➖➖➖ We’re human, we hold grudges, we remember past hurt, we take it out on our partner. When things get tough, it’s so easy for us to walk away – choosing to stay and work on the imperfections together requires not only effort but a moment of honesty towards ourselves. “Did I need to blow that out of proportion?” Probably not. “What do I need to improve so that I don’t take things out on my partner?” “Oh I realised that was wrong, I need to apologise.” Lesson 2️⃣: Practice patience more often. Practice communicating everything upsetting you more often. Practice love more often. ➖➖➖➖ Matt, I hate you some days but I love you on more days. 2 days left! 💖🔑👫📦🏡 #mattline🌎 ➖➖➖ How this photo was born 📸: “Let’s get a cute photo together!” *sets up timer* *at 2 seconds left, Matt suddenly is extra asf* 😂 . . . #couple #thoughts #personal #travel #travelcouple #wanderintwo #travellingtwo #explaw🐾 #Wanderlust #TravelBug #instaspain #benalmadena #instapor #worldcaptures #beautifuldestinations #passionpasport #worldplaces #travelawesome #topeuropephoto #meettheworld

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6 comments

  1. Mikesays

    You are so grounded Pauline, and so on Point 🙂
    Having the confidence to Talk & Listen respectfully to each other, is so important!

    1. Thanks so much for your kind words Mike!

  2. Megansays

    Something we all need to realize. It’s hard to remember that people just post the good usually. No ones life is perfect.

    1. 100%!

  3. Happy Valentine’s Day. Relationships are hard. You never really know what a couple is really facing. I find that talking is the best way to communicate. To be honest and tell your partner how you feel. Being open.

    1. Couldn’t have said it better myself!