A letter to my 16-year-old self

After reading Chynna’s series of letters to herself, Georgie’s recent letter to her 18-year-old self and laughing at all tweets from the hashtag #WhatIWouldTellMy15YearOldMe this morning, I was inspired to write a letter to 16-year-old Pauline. 16-year-old me would’ve finished GCSEs and going onto A Levels at this point (I think) and would be in the midst of a toxic relationship. Oh boy… ?

Dear Pauline,

I love ya to bits but…

You’re too young to know what the hell you’re doing.

Where did you think getting in a serious relationship at your age would get you? I’m going to cut you a bit of slack, though (for now), I understand that this was the FIRST TIME a boy noticed you and you love Disney films and think those guys who notice you are prince charming themselves (nope). He’s two years older than you too so he must know what he’s doing and what he’s saying must be cold hard facts (WRONG) The next time he upsets you by saying you’re not “good enough” for him and that you need to look a certain way for him otherwise he won’t love you anymore, please stop crying and remember that if someone has requirements for them to love you then that isn’t love.

And frankly, he’s just a waste of space and time.

Unsurprisingly soon enough, he won’t be in your life anymore when you find out he’s been cheating on you. I wish he left even sooner because 2 years of damage is hard to heal. Yes, you will freak out, have a meltdown but then your heart will heal eventually especially with the help of your friends and family.

Friends. You have lots. But being in that relationship caused you to invest all your energy, time and love into that asshole who didn’t deserve it. You’re much smarter at 20, you’d be glad to hear but in your next relationship you do exactly the same. Well done P. GG. Great work, woo. 

But you’ve learned now for good hopefully. Step back, spend your efforts on other people other than your boyfriend at the time. Like your friends.

I know that you’ve been trying to “become skinny” to impress him by eating a cupcake for lunch, starving yourself and running with no fuel. Stop.

1. You’re destroying your body
2. Running after eating 1 cupcake will cause you to faint. As it did that one time, ugh WHY WON’T YOU LISTEN TO YOUR BODY?!
3. HE ONLY WANTS YOU IF <condition> WAKE UP SISTER. BAD SIGNALS RIGHT THERE.
4. You’re hot when you’re strong and not looking like an extremely thin, weak runway model. You will realise this in 4 years when #gains are a thing.

If you’re  thinking of dying your hair today and plastering your face with layers of makeup, don’t. You’re beautiful naturally, your dark features will break some hearts. 💔

At this point, I know you’re confused on what you want to do with your life with school hammering on about how well you need to do at school to be successful in life and it’s a little overwhelming. I’m thankful that you have kept your options open – thanks, smartie pants, it’s serving future you well at the moment.

I’m so glad you took Computing as one of your GCSE subjects. I know you were scared because it was dominated by boys and you didn’t feel “good enough” alongside them. But you killed it! Don’t ever let the fear of it “only being for boys” get in the way of what you want to do! You’d be happy to know that you keep pushing these boundaries even though right now it sounds totally uncomfortable, it’s the most empowering thing 4 years later!

And I know you hate your name and you’re going around telling everyone you meet how much you hate it but you shouldn’t because these emojis spell your name out perfectly 🐾💪 Cool, right?

You’re still a pain in the ass, stubborn as hell, and disrupt everyone’s peace with HSM soundtracks but I love you! Even though I say I wish I could change all the stupid things you did, I’m glad I can’t (thanking science/engineering/tech/lack of magic for now) because these experiences will really shape you in the next 4 years.

Keep putting your 110% into things, you’ll achieve a lot more than you think. Know you’re awesome, know your WORTH and don’t let people whether that is that jealous girl in your Science class, teachers or stupid boys make you think otherwise!

Also stop playing SL to stay on top of the leaderboards because that game dies (and your K/D is better on Halo anyway) and get on with your maths homework (I wish you could actually read this because if there’s one thing I would let you change is your attempt to take further maths as an A-Level. Don’t. It will make you cry a lot more than any boy stomping on your heart.)

Love,
P

P.S. You still don’t have a bunny at 20, you should really ask more aggressively.