Papa

I originally had another blog post planned for this week, but as I try and make sure that my blog is a true reflection of my life (making it a complimentary part of my life, if you will) I wanted to write this post.

Just to write it.

Without thinking much about views, engagement or what people reading might think.

Just to write. Just like how I used to blog when I was younger… Okay, maybe not too much without thought because whew, I have written some very open posts in the past (if there’s one piece of advice I could give, it would be to never write about school crushes on the internet…)

But hey, this is one of my forms of dealing with things. I write.

This month I started off with a scary call from my mom whilst I was at work.

My dad was rushed into hospital after signs of a heart attack.

I remember feeling sick to my stomach when I first found out. I couldn’t concentrate at work, all I wanted to do was get on a train and see him. When I got to Sheffield that night, my dad wasn’t at the station to pick me up like he usually does. I got an Uber home to find an empty house. Everyone was at the hospital with my dad. My mom reassured me that they’re with him, and will return home soon. Later that evening, I hear the doors open without my dad in sight.

It was explained to me that they don’t know what is going on, so they wanted to take various tests and so, he had to stay in the hospital. He stayed there all weekend and for most of the rest of the next week.

I have never felt so sick, so anxious, so worried, so confused in my whole life.

It was difficult for most of the family and everyone else to get our heads around it all, my dad is the strongest, healthiest man we know. Period. No question about it. Growing up, my dad was the real-life superman to me. And he always will be.

As you can imagine, it’s been a stressful past few days for my family. My whole being has just been anxiety ridden, I haven’t slept well, I’ve been functioning in excess coffee, I’ve avoided working out because I would cry mid-set thinking about my dad. Negative, negative, negative. I’m exhausted.

I’ve tried my best to be positive, but learned from this experience that it’s completely okay not to be okay, crying is not a sign of weakness.

Thankfully, he is on his way to recovery after various, long, anxiety-causing tests, we know what happened, we know what is wrong, we know what to do. Awareness. Knowledge. Everything starts there. I know, he will be back to his old self again soon. After all, he is my Papa.

The good things

Although I’ve learned that not being positive all the time is okay, being negative and training my brain fear and worry is not the step forward. So, I’ve compiled a list of things to look at on the bright side of all of this. If you’re going through a tough patch, this exercise helps a lot.

• My dad is getting better each day. I know he is.
• The people around me have been so understanding and supportive. I’m so blessed with great friends, communities and work place.
• My sister graduated this week. My dad even made it to her ceremony despite not feeling 100%! (Btw, in case you haven’t caught on yet, my dad is a rockstar. 🤘🏻)
• I still did a few workouts here and there to lift my mood. It was difficult, but I showed up and tried my best.
• I turned up to work and gave it my best shot to focus. I even went to London for work!
• I didn’t cancel my talks. I did them with as much energy as I could.
• I received some good feedback on sessions/talks I’ve done.
• Matt gave me plenty of hugs.
• Little Mix released some amazing tunes.
• I have contributed greatly to my communities.
• I have an awesome apartment. I am independent.
• I cooked myself some meals and treated myself to eating out and spa days.
• I’m alive and get to experience life. What a gift.

I want to stress that last point. Life is such a precious gift. We all experience lows and stressful event like this, but let’s not forget that we also equally experience the highs and the “WOW THAT WAS AWESOME” moments where a grin hurts your face. This has reminded me to experience it all. It’s all part of life. And I am grateful.

A friend once quoted Charles Swindoll to me,

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”

Gratitude, positivity and love is healing. I’m choosing this. 💜